What Lifetime movies didn’t show you about the gripping reality of stalking and how to fight back

A stranger lurks in the shadows, watching as an unknowing woman walks through her home. The unseen stalker breathes heavily, building anticipation in the viewer wondering what will he do next?

This is the drama Lifetime movies are made of. Once branded “Television for Women,” the channel has built its following off TV thrillers and ripped from the headlines true crime tales depicting stories of murders, steamy affairs and stalking. Americans are obsessed with obsession stories. One of Netflix’s biggest hits, “You” – which originated on Lifetime – focuses on an obsessive protagonist played by Penn Badgley, and has been criticized for romanticizing stalking. In reality, stalking isn’t so sexy.

The exact legal definition of stalking varies by jurisdiction, but the Stalking Prevention, Awareness, and Resource Center (SPARC) defines stalking as a pattern of behavior directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to fear for their safety, the safety of others, or causes substantial emotional distress. These behaviors can include following a person or showing up where they are, repeated phone calls, sending unwanted gifts or messages, tracking a person, threats of physical harm, damages to property, and more.

The characteristics are shifting given the ease that technology has on keeping tabs or spying on someone, bringing forth the emergence of cyberstalking. According to a 2022 U.S. Department of Justice Stalking Victimization report, about 80% of people who have been stalked report their stalker using technology to monitor, contact, threaten or cause damage to their reputation.

The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS) finds that 1 in 3 women, and 1 in 6 men, have been stalked at some point. In most cases, it’s an intimate partner, ex or acquaintance, but sometimes it can be a complete stranger.

A stranger stalker is the exception, not the rule

After a nine-year stalking battle, Anna Nasset now works to train law enforcement, government agencies, and other professionals on how to address stalking, and has written a book about her experience, “Now I Speak: From Stalked to Standing Up.”

Though stalking is a crime in all 50 states, less than one-third of states classify stalking as a felony. These cases are also difficult to prove, according to the U.S. Department of Justice, especially if there are no third-party witnesses or physical evidence to support the victim’s testimony.

In Nasset’s situation, stalker Jeffrey* first made in-person contact with her in 2011, at the art gallery she owned in Port Townsend, Washington. She later found out that the stalking likely began around 2008 or 2009, a few years prior. After confiding in local law enforcement, Nasset learned that Jeffrey was a serial stalker, known in the area for obsessing over women in the community for a few months, then moving on to another victim. But even after serving a year in prison for misdemeanor harassment of Nasset, he continued to contact her, lurking around her workplace, and sending letters to police and prosecutors claiming that the two were married, and making threats against her.

“One of the things that stalkers often will do is they understand that I have a protection order, so they understand that they can’t make direct contact with the victim – But they can do it indirectly.” she said.

The emotional toll and safety risk of Jeffrey knowing her location caused Nasset to close her gallery and relocate out-of-state. Jeffrey persisted for years, moving the stalking to social media. In 2019, he was found guilty of aggravated felony stalking and felony cyberstalking and sentenced to the maximum of 10 years, which at the time was the longest sentence in the country’s history.

Nasset is direct in sharing that her case is the exception. Most stalking occurs by someone the victim knows or is acquainted with, which allowed for Nasset’s case to be taken seriously when she reported a stranger harassing her.

“I probably would be dead,” said Nasset. “If I had known him, if I wasn’t a white woman, if I didn’t speak English, if I didn’t own a business… all those things, factor in.”

According to SPARC, 40% of stalking victims are stalked by a current or former intimate partner, which can cause stalking behavior to be diminished to a “bad breakup,” or jealousy, when victims seek help.

“Most of the time we get dismissed or it’s like oh, you’re overreacting… Oh, it’s not a big deal, but the intersection to interpersonal violence of stalking with domestic and sexual violence and homicide is pretty monumental,” said Nasset.

About 81% of women stalked by a spouse or partner they lived with have also been physically assaulted by the partner, and a Kansas State University study found that when stalking in an intimate partnership occurs, it increases the risk of homicide by three.

The reality of cyberstalking

Social media has made keeping up with the details of someone’s life as easy as clicking the follow button, but when our digital footprint reaches online predators, the consequences can be life-altering.

Helena, content creator @helhathfury, is currently dealing with an ongoing case of stalking since September 2023, which she has documented on Tik Tok. To ensure Helena’s safety, Reckon will not disclose her last name and will refer to her accused stalker as Gerard.

Four months ago, Helena was approached by an employee of the gas station across the street from her apartment complex who contacted her on Instagram and solicited her for a sexual experience that she did not want.

She took to Tik Tok to share her experience and offer advice to women who may find themselves in similar situations.

“I blurred out his information and removed anything identifying and I said like ‘hey, this is a situation I ran into earlier. This is how I wish I would have handled it.’ My main demographic is 18 to 24-year-old women, so it was important to me to put it out there to tell them if this happens to you, this is how you can handle it,” said Helena.

She began receiving aggressive comments from Gerard online, causing her to contact police and file an injunction on Sept. 8, which in Florida is meant to protect a victim against stalking, including cyberstalking. In the months since, Helena has received continuous death threats and online harassment, has been forced to move twice, and the two have gone to court four times. While she was granted a final injunction in November, Gerard is still on the streets.

“He told me I’m going to be the next Gabby Petito,” Helena told Reckon, referencing the vlogger who went missing in 2021 and was later determined to be murdered by fiance Brian Laundrie.

Several cases of stalking revolving around Tik Tok have emerged in the past few years. In 2021, cosplayer @PeachFizz’s stalker was hit with federal stalking charges. That same year, 15-year-old Tik Toker Ava Maury’s father shot and killed an alleged stalker that came to their house, and a year later she testified against another stalker who harassed her online.

“There’s no way this behavior can continue. At the same time, laws have not caught up to technology. So, you know, we can subpoena these social media platforms, but will they give us information?”, said Helena.

Experts predict there will be an increase in cyberstalking and stalkerware – software used to track people’s locations, messages or other private information – since Roe has fallen.

“Stalkerware is likely to experience an uptick in use following the Roe v Wade ruling as nefarious individuals and organizations look to capture personal details on individuals and their whereabouts. Location tracking is currently getting a significant amount of attention,” Michael Covington, VP of Product and Strategy at Jamf, told Cybernews.

On the heels of the Supreme Court overturning Roe, in June, SCOTUS also overturned a stalking conviction in Colorado that they ruled violated the stalker’s First Amendment speech rights. In this case, Billy Raymond Counterman was convicted of sending hundreds of thousands of unwanted and threatening messages to singer Coles Whalen.

According to the Delaware Coalition Against Domestic Violence (DCADV), this case makes it more difficult to prosecute in stalking cases.

“The burden will shift to victims to show that they have ‘warned’ the stalker – and thus had contact with the offender – to stop their behavior. Offenders can continue to argue that they were unaware that they were causing harm; claiming that they never received the victim’s message, the communication was ‘romantic’ and ‘harmless,’” DCADV executive director Sue Ryan said in a statement.

What to do if you think you’re being stalked

Denial, self-doubt, and isolation are some of the psychological effects of stalking but Nasset says it’s important to overcome those feelings and trust that when something feels wrong, it is.

“Number one, trust your gut, trust that instinct and talk to trusted people,” she said.

Though many counties don’t have a specific stalking department to turn to, there are victim advocates, who are usually associated with a domestic or sexual violence center. Nasset says that many stalking victims overlook this service, thinking it isn’t for their situation. These trained professionals can help you navigate services, make reports, or accompany you to court.

“[When we’re being stalked] we’re in a traumatic place, so having an extra set of ears, having somebody that understands those systems is really, really important, and they can advocate for you,” said Nasset.

Stalking expert and police psychologist Kris Mohandie told CBS News that if you’re being stalked, you should not engage with your stalker directly, enhance security, inform others, and document everything. SPARC provides free documentation logs in English and Spanish to help people keep track of the details.

“If you choose to go to law enforcement, and you go in and say, ‘well, I had all these messages, but I deleted them,’ they don’t have anything to build on. The one thing with stalking is we are our own detectives. If I didn’t collect that evidence, they had nothing to build upon,” said Nasset.

Helena said it’s important to not only track everything, but to also keep multiple copies of evidence to protect it, and yourself.

“Make sure you have a cloud. Make sure you have it in a device, make sure you have it in a USB, store it in different areas so that it can’t get destroyed.” she said.

There’s no national stalking hotline and SPARC does not provide direct services to victims. But even in stalking cases that are not related to intimate partner violence, domestic violence or sexual assault service providers or hotlines can often provide resources for those in need.

Additional resources:

The National Domestic Violence Hotline https://www.thehotline.org/

Victim Connect Resource Center https://victimconnect.org/

The National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline https://www.rainn.org/about-national-sexual-assault-telephone-hotline

The National Center for Victims of Crime https://victimsofcrime.org/stalking-resource-center/about-us/